My First Time with a Woman

My first time dating

At the bar I did

Actually, it was so good, we had it twice. Right now I have an amazing cisgender male primary partner and a kick-ass girlfriend. Desperation is not a great way to frame up dating, by the way.

Growing up, I had many erotic dreams with women and had several close girl friends I had crushes on and felt sexual tension with. He reminded me of a friend from college who had studied Chinese and Korean, practiced Chinese calligraphy, trained in tae kwon do, and dated Korean women almost exclusively. Questions I didn't ask ran through my head. Grateful, even, that he drove me away.

It's not out of our reach. On one of our first dates, he came over to my apartment and told me about the books I'd just been given by my grandfather, the jokbo for our family. When you are ready to meet someone, you will.

Growing up I had

But there was still so much no one had ever taught me. All jokes aside, I used to think you could only have good sex with someone you loved, which is why I always went back to my cheating ex and never slept with anyone new. In retrospect, I think he was letting himself out of the relationship by saying these things.

He suggested meeting at his house

He suggested meeting at his house and walking from there to the bar together, so clearly he knew what he was doing. At the bar, I did all the talking and drinking.

Even though I blew my fan cover, it was still one of the most exciting moments of my life. Instead of going out I would usually stay home and watch shows made for year-olds. It led to a number of awkward first dates, friend-zone-but-sort-of-romantic relationships and a really dramatic breakup. Also, in the past six months or so, I have been identifying as queer instead of bisexual. Nothing will shut me up faster than a kiss, some food, or a Xanax.

The closest I will ever get to this dream. Because liking guys was accepted, encouraged and assumed, I think I naturally gravitated toward exploring sex, love and romantic relationships with men since those attractions were apparent to me. Dating, emotional intimacy and a romantic relationship was off the table for her. He looked shocked and then turned and left the dance floor, not even a good-bye, like I'd lied to him about the goods. When the room began to spin and I noticed I had trouble forming sentences, I knew it was time to take our relationship to the next level.

My First Time with a Woman